Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Advice?

Okay, for those of you constant blogfollowers, you know that I have had roommate problems since the beginning of time, it seems. Now, it just seemingly gets worse. Let me describe them for you, by code names of course.

B, for Bear, is bear-like as the code name suggests. She is an artsy fartsy, holier-than-thou type like one that some of us have gotten to know all too well over the past two years. She lumbers around fairly ungracefully--perhaps some people have gotten my complaining texts/IMs about this. She often makes lots of noise in the morning after hibernation, especially when I'm trying to sleep: earthquake noises and rumbling my bed, makeup utensil clacking noises from covering her beary hideous face, smacking into things, etc. She also thinks I'm a complete idiot for some reason unbeknownst and therefore chooses to treat me as such. I know what you all are thinking, Paulina, you are an idiot. But I'm not really. Anyway, meet Bear.

P is Princess, except not the royal type with adoring fans. Princess as in PRINCESSY BITCH. For Princess, I need to talk about her in conjuction with V. V is VAGINA. I would use the word "pussy" but P has already been taken for Princess. Vagina will do. PV are likethis. Attachedatthehipomgwecannotliveadaywithouteachother (exact words from P's mouth after the omg). V is a constant attraction in P's bed because omgtheycannotliveadaywithouteachother despite the fact that guests cannot stay without everyone's consent in the room, meaning myself & B. Then guests cannot stay for more than three days. However, he's lived in this room since the second night here despite the fact that his apartment is a mere one hundred feet away from ours, if you use the back route. Why doesn't he live there, you ask? Simply put, he's a vagina and cannot deal with his OMGOMGSOTERRIBLEZ roommate. He also lives in a triple, but is chill with the non-terrible roomie. However, PV chose to lie to me about how terrible terrible roommate is, choosing to say that non-terrible roomie sleeps on the couch because he can't handle terrible roomie. I am semi-friends with non-terrible roomie, and I asked him myself if he really slept on the couch all the time. He told me he only slept on the couch because he tore something in his leg and couldn't climb up the bunk the first week or so. So that's PV.

The reason I hate PV so much is that P has moved him into our room. His clothes are hanging up, or tucked away in her drawers. His shoes are in the slidy out drawer under her bed. At one point in time, they even moved my things around to make room for his. Why am I so bothered by V being there? Because my room is my sacred space and sometimes you just need SPACE. And personally, I don't like having to hide while I change in MY ROOM that I AM PAYING FOR (well, technically my parents) because there is a vagina-like floppy penis in the area thus making it somewhat difficult to just pull my pants, shirt, underwear, socks, etc. off and change. Apparently, nobody understands that SPACE means SPACE. Not to mention we already live in a small triple (a double that the housing people added a bed to make more room for students to stay on campus), so we don't need a fourth person moved in.

And one more thing, I guess them sleeping together doesn't really do much for their sleep either since P always complains about me studying with oh noes a light on. If V is such a necessary addition to bettering her sleep, why not just stick her face in his hairy pit or concave chest and tada! no light. Problem solved.

Side note: I've also discussed the PV problem with P as well as our RA. Nothing has changed.

Anyway, this week's BPV (mostly B, because I dislike her most) problem began two nights ago. I was hanging out with my new friend, Thomas, and then went home around 1:30 in the morning. Activities are going full force with B, P, V, Nolan, Andrew and Jay in the living room. So I'm like excellent! Opportune moment to talk on the phone, so I do that because they're doing shit, my room is empty, and by the time they come in, it should not matter, right? WRONG. My conversation has been continuing for well over an hour, and by this time, I am quite cozy and comfortable in my bed with no desire to move when B comes in bumbling and letting her flagella-like rolls bounce on things and make noise. She also sleeps (slept?) with headphones in. I clearly recall a conversation I had with her at the beginning of the school year about whether or not I was too loud while homeworking it up like a true Asian/Monta Vista-n at all hours of the night and she said no, it did not matter because she has her music on. After about a few minutes of continuing with my lovely conversation, I hear "PAULINA! Get off the phone or go OUTSIDE." I'm laying there with a facial expression that looks like @_____@??? and the person I'm on the phone with figures out what's going on and gets angry because this is a reoccuring thing. He goes off on a rant about my roommates being inconsiderate bitches and walking all over me and treating me like crap, so why am I being nice to them if I am not extended the same courtesy. Then I hear, "GREAT, PAULINA. I can hear the other person talking, blahblah, I'm trying to SLEEP, get off the phone or go OUTSIDE." A few minutes later, I am somewhat frustrated and tired so I get off the phone.

The next day, yesterday, I thought about it, and it made no sense to me because if you want to sleep so badly, why are you going to bed at 2:30/3 in the morning? If you are so bothered by the slightest bit of noise, why not put your oh so useful headphones back in like you used to do and then we both have no problem? Why do I have to leave because I've been laying here doing my own thing for the past hour or so? Why do I have to be quiet at night, if you can't be quiet in the morning or whenever I am sleeping? So then I put my thinking into effect.

Last night I went to bed around 12:30 or so and of course, was conversing on the phone again in my dark room, laying in my comfortable bed. Then B comes in around 1:30 or 2 and lumbers around like her name suggests until she creaks and squeaks her way into the bed. Then thirty seconds later, I hear "HANG UP OR LEEEEAVE!!!" so I ignore it. I giggle and continue with my conversation. Five minutes later, "HANGGGG UPPPP OR LEEEEAAAAVEEEE!!!" (think in a style similar to Gandalf going "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" except annoying, squeaky, and semi-female.). I ignore that also. Two and a half minutes later, I guess B sits up in her den and goes off at me. My thoughts are italicized during the process. "OMG PAULINA. You live with TWO OTHER PEOPLE. Actually, three. You forgot about Vagina. You should not have chosen a triple! Actually, I didn't choose a triple. I was assigned it. You are a horrible person to live with! So are you, fatass. *giggle uncontrollably drowning out some words about me leaving* Nobody will be sad to see you leave!" Of course, an outburst like that will only cause me to talk more, so I did, until PV came in and I decided to be semi-nice and leave. But first, I needed to urinate. I left my phone on top of my laptop, and then went to pee. Apparently as soon as I left, she bitched at PV about me, but heard the person I was conversing with laughing heartily on my phone since my phone is omgsoloud, and stopped. Or something. I don't know. I wasn't there.

It makes no sense to me as to why I should be the one to leave when someone is coming early in the morning/late at night when I've been in bed for the past hour or so, and s/he's been doing god knows what. And to yell at me while I'm on the phone is pretty inconsiderate and rude in itself.

You guys all know me. I'm not a really a mean person. I try to be polite, respectful, and considerate of others. I'm pretty crude and out there, but despite all that, I'd like to think I'm pretty nice. But when provoked, I am a very angry, spiteful, stubborn bitch. I have countless years of honing and crafting my angry, spiteful, stubborn bitch skills from living with my dad and my sister. And I strongly believe in giving respect, but only when I receive it in return and you do not affect my life drastically (like a teacher). I also take a lot of shit, but enough is enough. Once you reach that threshold, you can count on me to not be polite, respectful or considerate, especially if I don't receive that in return.

If you feel the need to yell at me for no reason, be rude to me, demand things of me, and verbally abuse me, you can bet that I will not be responsive. In fact, I will ignore you. And if you demand that I not ignore you, you can bet your ass that I will continue ignoring you.

Unlike some people, I am fully capable of understanding that things cannot be perfect when you live with other people. I don't expect us to get along, so I don't go out of my way to make sure that we do. If you try to tell me that I am socially inept, I will kick you in the vagina. If you try to ask me about whether or not I've lived with someone before, I will kick you in the vagina; I shared a room with my sister for 17 years. And that's how I know that you just have to deal with whatever people throw your way. I've kept her up at night talking on the phone, or texting. She's kept me up doing the same. I've woken her up while coming into the room late at night. She's woken me up while clanking around in the morning with her makeup and clothes and stuff.

What can you do? Nothing, so you ignore it and hope it goes away fast so you can continue with your life. Or you can try to find some sort of compromise, which I am not against. And unlike some people, I understand that you can't just expect someone to obey whatever you want them to do. It's a give and take situation from both parties because nobody is perfect. Because something you do is annoying and irritating to the other person, and vice versa. However, to demand that someone acquiesces to your request (ie. in my case, "HANG UP OR LEAVE!") gets you nowhere. Nothing is going to change because one person is happy and the other person isn't. Not a compromise.

Side note: I also understand that people will never understand, or even try to, if all they hear is "you this" or "you that". Which is what makes me not give a shit, since that is what B is doing. Thanks, Kathy, for bringing that up. I wasn't sure if I made that clear, but I guess I didn't.

In my case, there are several things that could have been done:
1. B puts in her earbuds, like she used to do, she sleeps, I can converse. Win-win situation.
2. She says I'll be more quiet in the morning & I will use the little light when you sleep, and I will kindly ask you to finish up your conversation within say, x minutes, or go elsewhere or notify you when I plan on going to bed so you can plan around it. I either finish my conversation within x minutes, I go elsewhere, or I try to end my conversation around whenever she's going to bed. Semi-win-win situation, but you don't have meaningless yelling and or ignoring. Nobody's feelings get hurts, and it works, instead of verbal abuse ("horrible to live with... nobody would be sad to see you leave") or acting like my mother ("don't ignore me when I'm talking to you" no joke, this happened)! And I don't keep talking/ignoring out of spite and sheer hatred.

Okay, I went off on a meaningless tangent, but what it comes down to is this:
Do I try to switch out of my room into a single or a double? This is what a part of me wants. Or do I stay just out of spite of what B said? Should I talk to my RA about it? Help! What would you do?

2 comments:

VaguelyCynical said...

There is one simple solution to every non-life-threatening roommate issue ever created. Talk about it. Find some time when you and B and P (no V) are free and have a chat. Make it a separate thing like a lunch so that there is a set time and some vague sense of not wanting to be there forever, without a strict deadline.

Stuff is shitty. They can't be enjoying it either, especially if B is yelling such things and PV are so annoyed as to leave. This means that they want change too, and should make them willing to talk.

Don't go in with a vendetta and a want to get revenge for mean things said. Go in with the attitude that things can (and will) be solved. B and P are both adequate human beings as well, so make sure you're not talking down to them or flipping out about their requests for change. It's important everything gets aired into the open so you don't continue to have hidden infighting.

Hint: Meet in a public place so that yelling would be really awkward.

Know that you will have to make some concessions in the discussion. There are three of you involved, and it obviously doesn't make sense for all of the change to fall on them. Or even if it does make sense, it's not going to happen so get over it.

I can't be sure, but from the sounds of it, none of this is being handled very maturely. There seems to be a lot of silent warfare and general discontent with each other that could probably be solved pretty easily. Yeah, girls are going to be girls and bitch and moan and be difficult, but all of that can be minimized.

I understand your point about being realistic about not being great friends with them, but think that you take it too far. If you aren't attempting to be friendly with them, it's no wonder that they don't care about your opinion on how things should be run in the room. Being friendly without being friends is the key.

Your comments about B seem out of line. Okay, she's fat. Great. It's not that helpful to care about that. Yeah, it can be tons of fun to joke about, but doing so merely reinforces the negative image of her you keep in your mind and makes future situations more difficult, since in between interactions you like her less without her doing anything.

Take a day off and then re-read your blog post. The whole thing, while containing a pretty good description of events, is overflowing with pettiness. It's not a big issue, since they are never going to read this, but really does affect your thinking. If this is how you think about them in your head, you are going to show it physically while interacting with them, and that will not be pleasant for them and lead to more problems.

In terms of what I think is reasonable:
~ Talking on your cell phone when someone else is trying to sleep, no matter who got there first, is not acceptable to me. If B doesn't want to listen to music anymore she shouldn't have to. Be glad that you got an hour in the room before having to move to the hallway instead of being the hallway the whole time.
~ V needs to go. You may have noticed I haven't mentioned him much. He is too simple to talk about much. If P doesn't agree to have him stop sleeping over, go to the RA and make it happen.
~ B should be nicer, but that will come with agreement and who really cares anyway. I promise that the more you ignore tones of voice that are ticked at you, the more successful you will be. Rise above it.

I like to keep RAs out of things for as long as possible. In this case, I think that point is around a week after your lunch chat with B and P. Give them some time to adjust and if they don't bring in the RA.

I am Katherine. said...

OMG PAULINA B and PV sound horrible.

I was going to write an analysis here, but Nate seems to have done that for me. WOWZ Dr. Nate.

I agree with him in that I think you should really take the time to sit down and talk to them about it, even if it'll be super uncomfortable - but if something's not working, it's not working. Talk to B and P about it first and if that doesn't work, talk to an RA about it? The girls next to me were always fighting and one of them ended up moving out. I think if it comes to that, it's the better option than trying to work something out when the three of you really can't compromise.

I don't see pettiness in your post. I understand that you need space and respect. But so do B and P. If you guys really talk things out with the intention of wanting to resolve your issues, good things will happen. If you guys all really dislike each other and can't cooperate, that's another story.

Yes. V needs to go. It sucks that you talked to your RA about him before and he's still there. That is such BS that he's intruding on your SPACE, girl. If PV need to be together, they should go take it somewhere else. Just reading this post made me want to kick some vagina. Hahhaa.

I think when you talk to B and P, you should really talk about how you feel personally. Avoid being like "you this" and "you that" because it gives them a reason to argue with you. Tell them that you really want to make this work.

I guess those are my two cents. I wish you the best of luck girl!

LOVE you.
--Katherine