Thursday, October 16, 2008


I'm so pissed my hands are shaking right now. Tonight was the angriest I've been since college started. Oddly enough, it was just the tip of how furious I can be. It was like almost midnight when I started to shower, like I usually do. I brushed by teeth, urinated, defacated, undressed, the daily ritual, and hopped into the shower. I performed my usual shower ablutions, washed my hair, conditioned, washed my body, shaved, etc. My shower time is very sacred to me. It's the only time where I get to truly be alone and unwind. (No, not in that sense! Pervert.) It's how I start the end to my day, how I relax before I go to sleep. It's the place where I gather my thoughts and try to make sense of things. The cleansing is both literally and metaphorically.
And then there was loud, incessant banging like the end of the world was near on my door interrupting whatever it was I was thinking about. Naturally, I was like uh, WTF? So I called out "What?" I shouldn't have been surprised. It was my rude, selfish roommate Jeremy banging on the door asking when I would be done because, oooh no, his precious toofbrush is in here, and he had to brush his teeth right this instant. To that, I responded with a big fuck off.
Now my shower was interrupted and I was basically done, so I toweled off. And then the most brilliant of brilliant Paulina thoughts popped into my head. Take as long as I could out of spite! So I did. I spent time deliberately putting my clothes on, and retoweling myself off. I brushed my teeth. Again. And this time, I also flossed. The first time, I didn't because I wanted to get out of the bathroom as soon as possible, but if someone was going to be so rude, of course, I should take longer. Then I toweled my hair, and put it up in a turban. toweled it again, and turbaned it. And stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes. Emptied water out of the basket I use to keep all my shit in. Stared at myself some more. Chased imaginary butterflies. Frolicked in an imaginary meadow. Stared. Things of that sort.
Then I finally left. I opened the door, glared at the fucker sitting on the couch, and stormed into my room, and finished with a righteous door slam that caused another earthquake in China. I started throwing all my shit around while Eli & Lisa were watching "Heroes". I hope I didn't interrupt. Then one of my other roommates, nice girl, Anya, came running in and was like "Paulina! Are you okay?" to which I unleashed my furious tangent of Jeremy = piece of shit inconsiderate fuck this fucking that rude bitch what the fuck inconsiderate if he wanted his stupid fucking toothbrush maybe he should of asked instead of rudely inconsiderately fucking banging on the do-fuck-or shit fuck stupid fuck fucking fuck. Then I apologized for yelling at her, and I sat down at my computer to finish my post-shower ablutions that I do not bring with me into the bathroom for fear of hogging it.
Then there was more running down the hallway and a knock on the door. Nobody said come in, and golly gee whiz, Santa Claus popped in! Not. It was Jeremy trying to apologize and be annoying. So I yelled at him some more about him being a fucking rude, inconsiderate fucker. And he stammered a few times and ran around what parts of my desk that he could to make eye contact with me, but then I opened up the bane of my existence, Facebook, and I told him I didn't want to fucking talk to him. He stammered some more, and I told him to fuck off, so he left.
I'm still angry, but I feel calm, if that makes any sense.
Good night.

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